ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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