so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
