What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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