He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
