Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
