I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
