I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
