dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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