Jerry, you need to find god
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
