it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
