i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
