There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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