Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
