Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
