Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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