Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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