My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
