dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
