got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
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If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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