Will you blow on my dice?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
