Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
