She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Randomize
