Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
