you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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