the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
