You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
