fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
