I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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