the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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