if i can run in heels then i can drive
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
