Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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