That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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