Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
