P.S. I can't hear my feet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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