I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
