the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
