I'm drive I can fine osifer
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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