Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
