i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
