I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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