He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
