Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
