My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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