...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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