Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
