You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
