M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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