omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
