you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
