Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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