So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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