Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
organizing the empties. That sober.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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