you're like a bully in the Christmas story
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
