Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
