Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
