you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
