She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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