I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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