Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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