Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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