i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
