Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
