He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
