my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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