my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
