i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
