He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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