I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
