what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
