I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
