Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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