My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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