Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
