i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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