lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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