dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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