Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
