Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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