you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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