Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
