I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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