I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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