A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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