I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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