I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Randomize
