piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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