Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
