sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
